Subject: Tax Day

Well, everybody in the USA knows what today is.  Big Brother wants his
protection money.  So in honor of the annual shakedown I have reprinted the
obligatory tax jokes for you to forward to all of your friends. 

One of my favorites, which has been around since President Lincoln enacted an
income tax to pay war expenses in 1862, is about the man who stipulated in
his will that he be cremated and the ashes sent to the IRS with a note
reading, "Now you have everything." 

Anyway, I took care of my taxes last week.  A friend of mine is an attorney
so I brought him my taxes and a bottle of scotch and said, "See if you can
get any of my money back."  He did a pretty good job.  I'm getting over a
thousand-dollar refund; however, I'm now an unemployed waitress with three
children. 

IMHO: regarding children and the Pledge of Allegiance in schools: maybe they
could be taught reality instead of religion.  How about we change it from
"one nation under God " to a more realistic..." one nation under the I.R.S."

"Nuclear physics is much easier than tax law.  It's rational and always works
the same way."
--Jerold Rochwald

Psychiatrists say a man shouldn't keep too much to himself.  So does the IRS.

"In America, we tax work, investment, employment, savings and production,
while we subsidize non-work, consumption and debt.  It's time we reverse this
trend."
--Jack Kemp

"Worried about an IRS audit?  Avoid what's called a red flag.  That's
something the IRS always looks for.  For example, say you have some money
left in your bank account after paying taxes.  That's a red flag."
- Jay Leno

"The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but
doesn't have to take the civil service examination."
- William Clinton

"To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax
return on time!  And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain
in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you and me,
except that they can destroy your life."
- Dave Barry

What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't
understand.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
   {no doubt hoping to get a glimpse of what's underneath your skirt ... ;}

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong
way.

What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.